How To Become Your Own Best Advocate

By Barbara Davis

Last week my son and I needed advice and advocacy on a matter involving a government agency. I asked a friend and advocate to go with us to meet with the agency staff. When I did this, some eyebrows were raised, probably because asking him to go with us looked like we could not advocate for ourselves. In truth, I was afraid of that myself. While my son usually does a pretty good job for himself, this was a new situation for him. Also, I was so overwhelmed at the time that I lacked confidence. I thought having someone come with me would serve as a reminder to stick to my guns, which it did.

Over the past thirty years I have come a long way from the non-assertive, shy wimp I once was. With the help and advice of others, I have attended assertiveness and self-advocacy workshops and read numerous self-help books. My favorites among these are The Dance of Anger, What Smart Women Know and So You Had Controlling Parents. Healing from the fallout of toxic relationships is a huge step toward healthy assertiveness.

It is not easy to become your own best advocate, but with determination and persistence, it is possible, no matter how shy and non-assertive you may be now. Below are some tips that I have learned along the way:

Learn everything you can about assertiveness techniques

Read, attend workshops, and seek advice from people whom you feel are excellent self-advocates.

Keep abreast of current legislation that can impact your rights

It is difficult to advocate for your rights if you don’t know what those rights are. The internet is a terrific place to search for information. Social service agencies often provide workshops pertaining to the rights of a specific group of people. The library and other community organizations generally keep postings on their bulletin boards about these workshops. Find a workshop that pertains to you and attend it.

Put what you learn into practice

Granted, learning your rights and how to become assertive is an important first step. The second most important step is to practice, practice, practice. If you don’t attempt the assertiveness techniques that you have learned, you are not very likely to become a successful self-advocate.

Don’t let your failures drag you down

You are not going to run before walking or crawling. Begin with baby steps. If you don’t succeed, give yourself a pat on the back for at least trying. Be patient with yourself, and don’t give up. Eventually you will see that the more you assert yourself, the easier it will become to continue doing so.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

We all slip and slide in our quest for self-improvement. Grief, financial hard times, an overwhelming number of hoops to jump through, and illness or injury can erode our self confidence and sap our energy. This makes it easy to fall back into old non-assertiveness habits. If you feel you need to, ask someone you trust to go with you. It could be that simply having that person there will serve as a reminder that you need to stay on track.

Some Random Thoughts on Job Search

By Keith Hosey

It’s no question that unemployment from the downed economy has affected many families across the country. Many people are submitting applications and interviewing for the first time in years, while others, who may have ever only had jobs through their personal networks, are doing it for the first time ever. There’s more competition for fewer openings and jobseekers everywhere, with and without disabilities, are looking for ways to get ahead of the crowd and stand out above the rest. In this economy, I believe traditional job search will only get you so far. Here are some tips and tricks for finding a job, some of which are anything but usual.

Network, Network, Network. I don’t think anyone can stress this enough. It’s still the staple of good practices for finding a job. Get out there and network. Tell everyone you know that you are looking for work. They may have a friend of a friend of a friend who is hiring. Not only that, they may become you’re best advocate by taking on your cause and helping with job leads, a good reference and more.

Stand out, but don’t stick out like a sore thumb. I’ve heard of some interesting things job seekers have done recently to stand out of the crowd and get the attention of recruiters. I’ve had people tell me they put their resumes on pink paper, so it will immediately draw the attention of the recruiter. I read an article a while back about a man who mailed a shoe with every resume and a note that said he’s “trying to get a foot in the door.” No joke. While these incidences make us laugh and do gain the recruiters attention, are they drawing the right attention or are they drawing negative attention? It’s important to walk a fine line between standing out and sticking out like a sore thumb.

Do something productive. They say that looking for a job is a full time job itself, but you can’t put that on a resume. Volunteer or join a group so you can show something current on your resume. Volunteering keeps your skills fresh and gives you something to put on your resume that says “present,” which is important on a resume. There are professional groups associated with many careers. Not only are you increasing your networking when you join your respective professional group, but many times you’re accessing the inside track on job openings and keeping you knowledge of the field current. It looks good on your resume too. You may want to think about joining other community groups like Toastmasters, where you can even polish your speaking skills.

Make the internet work for you, not against you. Have you ever Googled yourself? Well you should. Fifty-five percent of employers report checking candidates out online, including through Google and social media sites like Facebook and Myspace. So if your Facebook profile has pages and pages of pictures or comments about you that you don’t want a potential employer to see… make it private. Hopefully that’s not the case. I would suggest examining your email name too. I had an individual whose email address was similar to Killingspree@domain.com (I’ve changed it to protect identity). You get the idea. I suggest firstnamelastname@domain.com.

We live in the information and technology age, so don’t limit yourself to only real world networking. Get a LinkedIn profile, you’ll be amazed at who you might find. You’ll be amazed at who might find you. There are also free and cheap web hosting options. You can set up a website touting your skills and achievements (let them Google that). Get on Twitter or use www.search.twitter.com, seriously. There are a lot of professionals tweeting resources, including job openings. I saw three job opportunities in my feed today alone and I’m not even actively searching for them.

Thirteen Economy-Friendly Christmas Gift Ideas

By Barbara Davis

This Christmas can be a challenging time for many who are unemployed or in fear of becoming unemployed. We may think that we have to forgo Christmas gift-giving altogether. Fortunately, with some planning, creativity, and a little help from Google, we can manage to put together some low-or-no-cost gifts. A few of these are listed below:

Help a local charity

Charity donations fall during economic hard times. To help offset this, and take care of your Christmas shopping at the same time, make an affordable donation to a charity someone on your gift list is passionate about. You can also purchase inexpensive gifts or treats from charity thrift stores and bake sales.

Make life easier for someone

If you have an elderly or chronically ill person on your list, think of some budget-friendly items that will make his or her life easier. Assemble these things in a box, booklet, folder or other container. Items assembled can be anything from an address booklet complete with contact names and numbers, stamps, gift cards, pens and papers, a pill organizer, a box of non-perishable food, large-print books or anything else that might benefit the intended recipient. This same idea is useful for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances in their lives.

Frame a child’s artwork

Purchase an inexpensive frame for the adorable picture a little one created. Let the child decorate some plain brown wrapping paper or plain white paper. Wrap the picture in the paper for a gift Grandma and Grandpa (or others in the child’s life) are sure to love.

Shop at a dollar discount store

A treasure-trove of nice-looking gifts can be found in stores where everything is a dollar. Depending on your budget, you can create themed baskets or boxes for the college-bound teen or the young adult who just rented her first apartment with gift items from these stores. Dollartree.com is an excellent source for buying cases of items throughout the year, which can help in creating themed baskets or boxes without blowing the budget.

Turn used items into neat gifts

Plant some herbs in a never-used ceramic teapot for the cooking enthusiast on your gift list. Transform a variety of old clothes and accessories into a “dress up box” for a child. Decorate a box or purchase one at a dollar discount store. Glue colorful buttons on the box in the formation of the child’s name. Use your scanner and printer to create copies of Grandma or Grandpa’s old photographs to give to the history buff on your gift list. Used book stores and flea markets are excellent sources of inexpensive gift items as well.

Craft a favorite quote

If you sew, needlepoint, paint, or have artistic-looking handwriting, create your favorite quote on cloth or paper to frame. If you don’t feel you possess any of these skills, get creative with your computer or printer to create a beautiful and unique framed quote.

Use your printer and computer to transform ordinary household items into pretty gifts

Experiment with colors, font sizes, border art, and Google Images to create labels and pictures. Almost anything can be personalized in this way. Plain candles get a boost when several of them are labeled with beautifully crafted letters and grouped together to spell words.

Fill a pretty container with samples or trial size products

Pretty containers found in discount and thrift stores, yard sales or flea markets can make wonderful gifts when filled with sample or trial sized products. These can be purchased a little at a time to be easier on the budget.

Inventory your talents

Take a good look at the many things you do well – almost any type of talent can lend itself to gift-giving. A child is sure to enjoy a tape of you reading their favorite book. Your parents might like the scrapbook you made of trips you took with them. Delight others on your wish list with hand-made booklets containing household hints, favorite recipes, or anything else you may be skilled in or knowledgeable about.

Raid the flower garden or house plants

If you have plant-lovers on your wish list, buy several inexpensive containers and pot some flower cutlets in them. Wrap a decorative ribbon around the containers.

Decorate a large home-made cookie

Instead of making a dozen cookies from your recipe, bake the entire batch in a large round cake pan. Decorate it in whatever theme or colors is inspired by the intended recipient. Wrap with colorful plastic wrap and a pretty ribbon.

Create a “throw” with fabric remnants

Fabric remnants come in a wide variety of materials, designs, colors, patterns and themes. Choose something that reflects the interest of the intended recipient, and trim with matching ribbon. If you don’t sew, use hemming tape to secure the ribbon.

Brainstorm your own ideas

Write down the names of the people you want to give gifts to. Beside each name, write their interests, passions, or personality traits. Explore your own talents and the magic of cyber space to come up with unique and thoughtful low-or-no-cost gifts that are sure to please everyone on your list.

Ableism

By Keith Hosey

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’d like to preface this blog post with two things about me. The first is that I don’t, and never will, understand why or how one human being could ever treat another human being with complete intolerance based in the simple fact that they differ in some way. This isn’t just disability related, but race, religion, sexuality, etc. The second is that about ten years ago I made a conscious decision to strike words that hurt other people out of my vocabulary. This included many commonplace phrases in the English language that were in some way originally based in some type of prejudice. You may say, “So what? I wouldn’t use them in the first place”, but when’s the last time you called something you didn’t like “gay” or maybe insinuate that a cheap friend was of a certain religious denomination? Never?

I recently became aware of the campaign to stop the use of the “r-word” by the Special Olympics, “Spread the Word to End the Word” (www.r-word.org). This is a word that I have in the past used regularly and recklessly. When I stumbled upon this campaign I was floored. My heart dropped into my toes and I wondered how could I have ever overlooked the power and pain of this word? I work with people with intellectual disabilities and their families. People who I consider good friends have relatives with intellectual disabilities. I have relatives with intellectual disabilities. How did I rationalize this unacceptable use of language?

I sifted through some online articles, blogs, etc. and stumbled upon the term ableism (the term for prejudice against people with disabilities). I’ve been reading a lot of stuff out there about the topic of ableism, the good, the bad and the ugly. For every article or blog post talking about ableism, there were 10-100 responses and comments ranging from the too common sentiment of “political correctness has gone too far if we have to watch what we call these people” all the way to very shocking hate language that I choose not to repeat here.

Why is it so much more socially acceptable to discriminate against people with disabilities than other minority groups and why is it ok for most of society to ignore that discrimination? It’s 2009 and I’ve seen a political campaign mocking their opponent’s speech impairment, celebrities and comedians throwing the “r-word” around because they think it’s a victimless crime. It’s every day. Fifty-five years after “separate is not equal,” students with disabilities are still segregated. If we can’t teach equality in grade school, how can we achieve it as adults?

In my search for answers, I asked a family friend about his childhood in Kentucky and how he could do nothing while segregation occurred. He told me that while he didn’t necessarily think it was right, “it’s just how it was” and what could he have done about it. His answer was honest and simple and helped me frame the essence of bigotry better in my mind. It’s easier to go with the group-think, the status quo, isn’t it? It gives us a sense of belonging. Norman Kunc, a disability rights activist, once said about prejudice’s role in that sense of belonging “if I hate the same guy you hate, we must be friends.” So if our first African-American President can make a joke about the Special Olympics, then I should feel better about laughing at people with disabilities?

But I think there’s light and hope at the end of the tunnel. History has shown that acceptance of people with disabilities increases every time there’s an influx of wounded warriors in this country. We have many brave men and women returning from war with disabilities and it is our duty to make sure we welcome them with compassion and respect and to ensure they have an equal seat at the table. We have the new Hate Crimes Act protecting individuals with disabilities (recent studies have shown that People with disabilities over the age of 12 are 50 percent more likely to experience nonfatal violent crime than those without disabilities). Progress to equality marches on.

You and I can be part of that guiding light of tolerance and acceptance at the end of the tunnel, too. In a film called Including Samuel (a child with Cerebral Palsy) Samuel’s mother says, “I can’t believe that I was so blind… there was this huge amount of prejudice going on and I never noticed it before… and now I can’t believe that not everybody sees it.” Whether you are one of the 20% of Americans living with a disability, or non-disabled, watch your language and actions and think about the people it hurts. Don’t stop with yourself, do your part to end ableism by speaking out against others words and actions, don’t be silent.

Here is an additional resource on disability etiquette and words with dignity.

Ten Ways To Make Navigating The System Easier

By Barbara Davis

In today’s economy, more people without jobs are feeling the need to jump through a variety of hoops in order to get financial assistance, housing, food stamps and other services. This can be an overwhelming and frustrating process for anyone. For individuals with disabilities or the parents of young children with disabilities it can be a nightmare. The application process for disability benefits, health care, accessible housing, attendant care, housekeeping assistance, various therapies (speech, occupational, physical and counseling) and other services can be extremely daunting. Add the hassle of getting accommodations for appointments into the mix and well, it’s not a pretty picture.

With a little creativity and some planning, there are ways to make this process easier.

Get a loose-leaf binder and fix it up so that you can put everything you need in one place

Create pockets to hold envelopes and stamps to be used for mailing completed forms. Use sheet protectors for documents such as birth certificates, shot records, school records and others. Keep a calendar for tracking appointments and an address book (with phone numbers and addresses of schools, service providers, etc.) in the binder also. Include a notebook in your binder for writing questions you may have or information you need to remember. If you have more than one child, or you are receiving multiple services, keep several of these binders on hand.

Rely on 211 if it is available

If you are a “systems navigator veteran” you may think you are fully versed on programs, services and resources in your area. However, new services are often added and old ones are sometimes dropped when funding ends. Newbies to the system may not have a clue where to start. Using 211 can be a lifesaver for both “veterans” to the system and newbies.

Join Support Groups

Long-term members of support groups have become experts at navigating the system and finding resources for themselves or their families. They can help newbies and each other find appropriate health care providers, support services, recreational activities and resources. If you are a parent of a child with disabilities, joining a support group specific to your child’s disability can provide information and support to help with schools, healthcare, locating adequate daycare, and many other issues. Adults often find such support groups to be beneficial socially as well, which can be a great stress-reliever in these difficult times.

If possible, set aside the same day each week for appointments

It will be much easier to make, remember and keep appointments if all of your appointments are on the same day of each week, or the same several days, if necessary. For example, if your parent/teacher conferences usually get scheduled on Fridays, try to schedule all appointments on Fridays. If you have to take your kids for their allergy shots on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons, try to schedule other appointments for earlier on one of those days. Obviously it may not be possible to always schedule appointments this way, but the more often you can do it, the easier it makes it for you.

If there is an overwhelming amount of paperwork to be completed at the same time for different service providers, work a little bit on each form, every day, until it all gets done

Most paperwork will be redundant. Nearly all of them will want your social security number, birthdates, physicians’ names and addresses, your name, address, and phone number, and the same information for other members of the family. If you allot yourself a certain amount of time each day, you can easily select sections of each form to complete. On the first day you can complete the sections requiring information you can retrieve from memory. During the ensuing days, you can pick sections requiring you to look up information, such as previous hospital stays. Work in this way until you get all the forms completed and in the mail.

Keep copies of all completed forms

If you have to look up your bank account number, your doctor’s address and phone number, or any other piece of information in order to complete a form, keep a copy of the form in your systems binder. By doing this, you will save yourself from having to look up the information again for another service application. If you are lacking in organizational skills, ask a family member, friend or caseworker who is organized to keep copies for you.

Be a packrat for awhile

You never know when a service provider is going to want your child’s shot records from five years ago, or your income tax papers from three years before. It pays to keep any of these types of documents on hand for at least five years or longer. In some cases, such as with school transcripts, you may want to keep the documents permanently.

Be cautious with your systems binder

Whether you keep a systems binder or not, chances are you will be carrying documents with sensitive information from place to place. Keep in mind that most of these forms and documents will contain your social security number and birth date. Keep these documents in your sight at all times when you are away from home. In the home, keep them in a safe place, preferably one with a lock on it.

Let Google be your friend

The internet is an excellent source for looking up directions, addresses, phone numbers and websites for service providers. In many cases, forms, documents and applications can be printed off of these websites. If you MapQuest any directions to a service provider, print them out to keep in your systems binder for future reference. You will also want to print out the instructions and regulations found on the website for the service you are applying for, and store these in your binder.

Delegate some of the load to others

If you are truly overwhelmed, ask a friend, family member or case manager to help you. Case managers and social workers have been instrumental in helping me to complete a mountain of forms. My grandmother kept my sons occupied while I completed forms, and friends provided sound advice on what to write on the forms. In my experience, everyone was more than happy to help. By accepting this help with gratitude, I was able to get through the process much more smoothly than I would have on my own.

President signs hate crimes bill into law

President Barack Obama signed an expanded hate crimes bill into law Wednesday making it a federal offense to commit a crime against a person based on their disability. The law entitled the Matthew Shepard-James Byrd Hate Crimes Prevention Act, expands current hate crimes law to include violence based on gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and disability. The law is named after two murder victims from 1998 who were targeted for attack because of bigotry. Federal law already includes protections for crimes committed based on race, color, religion or national origin.

President Obama Stated, “No one in America should ever be afraid to walk down the street holding the hands of the person they love. No one in America should be forced to look over their shoulder because of who they are or because they live with a disability. At root, this isn't just about our laws; this is about who we are as a people. This is about whether we value one another -- whether we embrace our differences, rather than allowing them to become a source of animus.”

Quoting President Johnson from when he signed civil rights legislation into law in 1968, Obama said that "the bells of freedom ring out a little louder," when he signed the Act into law.

“You understood that we must stand against crimes that are meant not only to break bones, but to break spirits -- not only to inflict harm, but to instill fear,” Mr. Obama said, “You understand that the rights afforded every citizen under our Constitution mean nothing if we do not protect those rights -- both from unjust laws and violent acts. And you understand how necessary this law continues to be. “

People with disabilities are 50 percent more likely to experience nonfatal violent crime than those without disabilities, according to a Justice Department study released in early October. The study found that about one in five crime victims with disabilities believe their disability was the reason they were targeted.

Help End Institutional Bias

Join your fellow disability advocates for a second national Day of Advocacy this Thursday,
October 8 to ensure the CFC Option and the CLASS Act make it into the final health care reform bill.

You can call using this toll-free number: 866-324-0787. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

In addition to calling your two Senators, the following Senators are influential in the processes of
merging the legislation, and our message must reach them:

• Jeff Bingaman, New Mexico


• John F. Kerry, Massachusetts


• Blanche L. Lincoln, Arkansas


• Ron Wyden, Oregon


• Charles E. Schumer, New York


• Bill Nelson, Florida


• Robert Menendez, New Jersey

I strongly support the Community First Choice Option and the CLASS Act as a part of
the final healthcare bill in the Senate. I urge the Senator to please support both of these
priorities for people with disabilities as the Senate Finance and HELP Committees merge their bills.

Background:

The Community First Choice (CFC) Option was proposed by Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA) as a way to get
the key provisions of the Community Choice Act (CCA) in the healthcare reform bill. The option would
encourage states to provide Medicaid home and community based attendant services (rather than require them
as the CCA would do). The CFC Option would be a major step in helping to end Medicaid's institutional bias.
The CFC Option is included in the Senate Finance Committee's healthcare reform bill.

The Community Living Assistance Services and Supports (CLASS) Act (also called the CLASS Plan) would create
a national voluntary long term care insurance program. It was developed to help people better prepare for their
long term care needs and to help take pressure off of the Medicaid program. The CLASS Act is in the Health,
Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee's version of the healthcare reform bill. The CLASS plan would reduce the
federal deficit by an estimated $58 billion.

Whether the CFC option and the CLASS Act make it into the final Senate health care reform bill is up to us. The time to act is now!